there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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