so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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