I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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