why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
