My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
