Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
