If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
