Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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