I'm gonna have a badass scar
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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