did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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