theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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