Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
