I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
