she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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