He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
