No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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