The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
