he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
