I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
