I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
