As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im holly from the hills drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
