i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
