Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
