i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My penis needs a shock collar
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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