my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
