I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
