I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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