Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
