11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
