I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
