Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
