i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
zippers are such a cool invention
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
