I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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