Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
