Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
