Jerry, you need to find god
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
