If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
