At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
