tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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