Just mADE A PArabola og urine
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
