If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
