Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
