when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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