Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
