I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
