i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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