Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
