Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
