these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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