i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
